the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
