Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Randomize
