Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
