3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
