Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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