Do you still have your period?
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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