Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
