I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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