I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
