Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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