i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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