I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
