If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
