She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
