he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
