best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
