I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
