omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
