so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
