I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
