Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
