her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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