I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
