Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
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