yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I'm passing your future prison.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
