my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
