You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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