Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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