I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
