yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
two words...techno handjob
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
