lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Randomize
