so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
