Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
