i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
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