Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
