Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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