Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
