Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
