he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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