Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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