Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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