Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
