Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
You brought string cheese to the strip club
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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