I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
