I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
NoShamevember. You game?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
