I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
