I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
