i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Liz is crying about burritos again.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
