I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
