it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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