You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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