YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
